Jared kept a close eye on Jensen during the next couple of days. That night had changed things between them for good, but Jared couldn’t help thinking that maybe…just maybe it was for the better. Now that Jensen wasn’t hiding anything from him their relationship was slowly, yet surely, being repaired.
And that was why Jared had a grin on his face as he shut his car door behind him, holding the coffee he’d bought on the way there in a precarious grip.
He raised a hand to knock on the door, hoping that Jensen would actually be awake, it was still before ten o’clock, but Jared hoped the promise, and smell, of coffee would tempt him out of his cave.
Jared couldn’t help but smile to himself as he thought about Jensen. It seemed like everything was finally coming together. Now that he finally knew what Jensen had been going through he could help, he would, help Jensen stop using, and everything would go back to normal.
These thoughts were interrupted and stomped into the dirt as the door swung open, and Jared found himself staring at least 6’5’’ of tanned, naked skin. The guy must have been taller than he was. He blinked, why was a topless man opening Jensen’s door for him? Did he get a slutty butler when I wasn’t looking?
“Can I help you?” The guy cocked an eyebrow at Jared and, once he had overcome the shock of finding himself face to face with some douche who obviously had a penchant for looking like fucking Arnold Schwarzenegger or something, felt some inexplicable emotion uncoil inside of him.
“I’m here to see Jensen, actually,” Jared replied coolly. He could do hostile just as well, “Who are you?”
The douche smirked at him and leant casually against the doorframe, raking his eyes up Jared’s body, “I’m the guy who pounded Jensen into the mattress last night…twice.”
That Jared wasn’t expecting, so the blush that flamed his cheeks at the thought of Jensen…in that position was entirely reasonable, and he managed to croak out, “Oh right…that’s…interesting..” before coherent thought actually returned, and he felt annoyance well up inside of him at the way this guy was staring at him, “I need to talk to Jensen.”
“He’s still sleeping,” the douche stared at the coffee, “But if that’s up for grabs?”
Jared snatched the polystyrene cup away from any attempts to steal it, “No, it’s for Jensen. Now can you let me in?” He hated that he had to ask, it was Jensen’s house, he’d never needed an invitation. The guy was seriously irritating him now, although Jared just couldn’t quite put his finger on exactly what was so annoying about him.
He was just there, and taller than him, and Jared shook his head to stop the thought hefuckedJensen that was running through his mind. He didn’t care about that.
“I dunno…what are you gonna do if I don’t let you in?” Jared almost growled in frustration at the suggestion in the guy’s tone.
“Fucking nothing, just get out of the way, this is ridiculous…” He peered around the giant and yelled, “Jensen?” Into the empty hallway.
There was no reply, and the douche laughed, “I told you, he’s still sleeping. I wore him out, poor thing.”
Alright, now this guy just sounded like a jerk. And Jared was really itching to smash his face into the wall. Not because he fucked Jensen, but because he was a douche and deserved it. At least, that’s how he justified it to himself.
He was seconds away from setting down the coffee and wiping the arrogant smirk of the guy’s face, when Jensen’s sleepy voice echoed down the stairs, “Whossat the door?”
The guy stepped away from the door, just as Jensen appeared at the foot of the stairs, pure innocence on his face, as if he hadn’t just been barring the way in, “A friend of yours?”
Jensen stopped dead in his tracks as he caught sight of Jared, his eyes narrowed in frustration, “Jay…uh…what are you doing here?”
Jared suddenly felt a bit pathetic, standing on the stoop clutching the now probably cold coffee, and intruding on what looked like the end of a date, “I…uh just thought I’d stop by…see how you were doing…” He trailed off weakly, realising how lame he sounded.
“Oh well…I thought you were going shopping with Sandy today,” Jensen said, his brow furrowed in confusion, and Jared had to look away, as the words cuteadorableJensen flashed into his head.
“I was…I mean, I am…just, later,” it suddenly struck him how ridiculous it was that he was standing there and attempting to have a normal conversation with Jensen, with this random stranger standing there, and listening to them with an expression of amusement slapped on his face, “You know what? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come. I’ll just go.”
He had already turned around, and was heading back to his car, when he felt Jensen grab his arm and spin him around to stare straight into his wide eyes, sparkling in the morning sunlight, no, what? Not sparkling…just…bright…and…shimmering…wait, that’s not any better...
“Jen?” Jared said, his voice a little higher than he would have liked, especially since his arm seemed to be burning where Jensen was holding it.
“I just…” Jensen scratched his head and laughed softly, “This is kinda awkward…sorry for springing it on you like that…I err…didn’t think he was gonna answer the door, if that helps.”
Jared laughed, and tried not to feel disappointed that Jensen had let go of his arm, “It’s alright, I should probably get home anyway I just wanted to…you know, check up on you.”
Jensen grinned at him, and Jared suddenly felt extremely confused. He’d blurted it out before he could even think about what he was saying, “So is he your boyfriend?”
The grin seemed to fall crookedly off Jensen’s face, and he bit his lip before replying, “No…he’s just someone I know.”
“And by know, you mean fuck?” Jared winced inwardly at the way the question came out sounding.
Jensen looked startled at how hostile Jared sounded, “Umm…I thought you were alright with this? I mean, if some hot chick’d answered the door, you’d be high fiving me or something.”
Great, now Jensen sounded angry, “I’m fine with it man, he just…seems…like a bit of a jerk.” As soon as the words were out, he wished he could grab them all and stuff them back in his mouth, where they would never be heard, ever.
Jensen just raised an eyebrow, and said, “Dude, you don’t even know him. And for your information mom, I can look out for myself.”
Jared shook his head, frantically trying to backtrack, “That’s not how I meant it, you know that. I just…be careful…”
“Dude, stop treating this like it’s any different than if I’ d hooked up with a chick,” Jensen replied, scrubbing a hand through his hair, and exposing the scars on the irritated underside of his arm in the harsh sunlight, since he was only wearing a t-shirt.
Jared couldn’t help but stare, stare at the marks that exposed Jensen, showed him as…different. That was what had changed him. It had nothing to do with the fact that he was gay, it was the fucking heroin.
“I’m not Jen, I just…” His voice lowered, “You haven’t, you know…done…anything, since that night?”
Jensen looked confused for all of two seconds, and then his eyes clouded over in frustration, “For fuck’s sake, Jared! I said I’d stop…no, I haven’t done any, okay?”
Jared hated the fact that he was wondering whether Jensen was lying to him. He hesitated before speaking again, “Jensen…you know you can tell me, right? I won’t judge, I just want to help…”
Jensen interrupted him, “Yeah Jared, that’s great, thanks, but it’s okay, right? I’m done with it.”
Jared searched his eyes for anything that might prove otherwise, but all he could see was green, and he blinked again, distractedly. He opened his mouth to speak, not really sure what he was going to say, but it didn’t matter, because the jerk was calling out of the door, “Hey Jensen, water’s hot in the shower! You coming?”
“I gotta go Jared, but…thanks for stopping by, I guess,” Jensen said shortly, reaching out a hand as if to grasp Jared’s arm, but he let it fall and lowered his eyes, turning away and walking off before Jared had a chance to respond.
Not that he would have known what to say. How could he tell Jensen that seeing him with another guy had caused a surge of inexplicable jealousy to course through him?
~**~
Jensen practically fell back inside his house, his heart pounding with guilt and remorse at what he’d just done. He hadn’t wanted to lie straight out to Jared, but he’d kept asking and used those damn eyes, and how could Jensen refuse that?
“You alright?”
Jensen looked up startled; he’d forgotten his one night stand was still there, “Yeah fine.”
“Hope I didn’t ruin any uh…relationships,” He smirked.
Jensen resisted the urge to punch him. Jared was right, the guy was a jerk, and Jensen knew it. But he was a jerk who knew how to make him come, and that was all he’d cared about last night.
“No, nothing to ruin,” Jensen stopped short, as finally noticed what the guy was doing, “You can’t do that here.”
His guest looked up in surprise from where he had been tying a stray tie around his arm, and tapping the needle in almost lustful anticipation, “Why not?”
Jensen didn’t know why not, he just knew he’d never shot up in his home, “Just…this is my home…”
“And you think that if you bring this into your home it’ll be too real? Come on, get a clue, you’re in this too deep to care about that now,” He waved the needle tauntingly in front of Jensen’s face, his eyes locked on the beads of perspiration rolling slowly down Jensen’s temples, “You need this. You’re gonna do it, whether it’s in your fucking house or not.”
Jensen wanted to deny it, wanted to close his eyes and have it all go away but it was right there in front of him, and even the thought of Jared’s disappointment wasn’t enough to stop him from reaching out.
His companion smiled, softly, sinister, “I knew you’d cave.”
Jensen ignored him, the hot want coiled inside of him, and he focused solely on the needle that was being held out to him, already anticipating the nothingness awaiting him. All worries about this being too close to home, to reality, faded. He hissed at the pressure when the needle slid into this skin.
He dropped down into the chair, dropping the needle onto the table, and sighing. This wasn’t how he’d expected his morning to go.
Somewhere, deep in his mind, he knew that this was majorly fucked up, and completely stupid, but then the hit kicked in, and he didn’t care anymore. His last conscious thought was that he was sad he’d had to lie to Jared.
'I'm living in an age
Whose name I don't know
Though the fear keeps me moving
Still my heart beats so slow
My body is a cage that keeps me
From dancing with the one I love’
- The Arcade Fire ‘My Body Is A Cage'
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