Current mood:	hopeful
Current music:	Pearl Jam - Rearviewmirror
Entry tags:	fandom: supernatural rps, fic pairing: jared/jensen, fiction

Long Time Coming Chapter 15/25
Title: Long Time Coming
Genre: Angst/romance/drama
Pairings: Jared/Jensen, some Jared/Sandy
Warnings: Language, smut, hard drug use!
Disclaimer: Ye...yea...nope don't own them.  I am not insinuating Chris and Steve are drug peddlers either, it is merely for this fic that they are supplying Jensen so I can create angsty situations which lead to manschmexin.
Rating: 15
Summary: Jensen can't handle being around Jared anymore, not when his feelings are so strong.  So when hiatus starts and Jared notices Jensen drawing away and acting strange can he find out what's happening in time to save him?

A/N - Snaps for realscape  for the awesome beta-reading

1~2~3~4~5~6~7~8~9~10~11~12~13~14~15~16~17~18~19~20~21~22~23~24~Epilogue~Soundtrack

Jared clung to Jensen tightly the whole way home, afraid that if he let him go, for even the slightest moment, he would be gone again; hiding from Jared and the admission of his addiction. 

“Where’re we going Jay?” Jensen had asked as they left the bar.

Jared had replied instantly, not even needing to think about the answer, “You can stay at my place.  You’ll be better there.”

Jensen had smiled and tightened his grip around Jared’s shoulders, before letting his arm drop.  Jared got the feeling, however, that if it hadn’t been such an awkward position, thanks to his height, Jensen would have left it there.

Now, as they neared his front door, Jared began to think about how this might’ve been a mistake.  It wouldn’t exactly lessen Sandy’s suspicions about his feelings for the other man, and the atmosphere between them since their ‘chat’ had been tense enough.

But it couldn’t be helped.  Jensen needed him…and he would do whatever he could to get the old Jensen back, from before LA, before the heroin.

He unlocked the front door quietly, wondering if Sandy was asleep, and gestured for Jensen to follow him inside.  He seemed to still be shaking slightly, and he kept running his tongue over his lips, like he had cherry flavoured Chap Stick on, or something.  Jared tried not to stare, but Jensen was practically sucking on his bottom lip and that was producing a whole lot of fluttery feelings in his stomach he’d rather avoid at that moment.

“Jay?”  Jensen asked, staring at him quizzically. His eyes betrayed the fact that he was still riding his high.  Pupils shaking slightly and his blown wide, dilated out of all proportion.

Jared tore his gaze away as soon as he realised this, not wanting to know any more. “S’nothing, come on, you can stay in the guest room.”

“Jay,” Jensen’s voice was smaller, weaker, “I can’t…I mean…you don’t have to…”

He trailed off not able to find the words, but Jared just nodded and replied, “You can stay here as long as you want Jen.”

They stood still, facing each other silently, for all of a few seconds, and the air grew thicker between them.  Jared read unspoken thanks in Jensen’s eyes, and something different, something deeper he didn’t want to delve into.  Jensen read compassion and sympathy, and a deep set anger that froze him to the bones.

Jensen opened his mouth to say something, he stepped closer and Jared didn’t flinch, didn’t back away…but then a light tread on the stairs made them look up, and Sandy peeked down the stairway, squinting in the change from pitch black to light.

“Jared?  How come you’re home so late?  Oh…Jensen, hi,” She blinked at him, and then turned an expressionless face to Jared, “Don’t be too late to bed.”

He sighed as she turned and headed back upstairs, his stomach sinking at the hurt she must be feeling.  He figured she thought he was rubbing it in her face now, but she had to understand. Jensen needed him.

“Dude, you alright?”  Jensen asked, wondering why Jared was staring at the space Sandy had vanished from.

Jared shook his head and smiled slightly at Jensen, “Yeah fine. Come on, you hungry?”

They made their way into the kitchen, and Jensen watched silently, leaning back against the wall and clenching his trembling hands into fists. Jared gathered an assortment of food and herded Jensen into the TV room, where he promptly collapsed on the sofa and cracked open a beer.

“Jay what are you doing?”  Jensen asked quietly, the reality of his situation starting to sink in.  It wasn’t the best idea that he stay in close quarters to Jared right now.  It really wasn’t.  Not when he was stretched out over the sofa, long limbs splayed everywhere, and eyes fucking beseeching him to come join him.

“Just relaxing, having a beer, and watching a really crap action film,” Jared said, and for a moment, just for a heartbeat, it felt like it had before.  And Jensen sat down.

~**~

Four hours later, and Jared was snoring gently, head thrown back on the cushions, and chip crumbs sprinkled over his lap.  Jensen flicked through the channels, searching for anything that would keep his mind off the way his head was beginning to pound.

When he realised that MTV was hosting the ‘Night of Love Ballads from the 80s’, he switched off the TV and padded over to the kitchen to get a glass of water.

From this position he could see the whole of Jared’s body stretched out, and the way his fringe stirred gently in the breeze from the open window.  His whole being was aching to touch and to love, but he couldn’t.  Especially not here, not in their freaking home.

An overwhelming sense of loss washed over him, and he didn’t even know why.  Here they were, hanging out properly for the first time in weeks, and Jensen was getting all emotional about it?  Shit, he was really getting loose with his feelings.

Jared shifted in his sleep, muttering some nonsensical musings under his breath, before turning his head away from the kitchen, denying Jensen the sight of his face any longer.  This was probably for the best, considering how he had very nearly been contemplating going and lying down next to him.  He could excuse it in the morning, saying how he had just fallen asleep, right there next to him on the sofa.

“Jensen,” Sandy’s voice startled him, and he jerked backwards, the glass slipping from his fingers and crashing to the floor.

He cursed, and immediately crouched down to pick up the pieces, “Shit Sandy, I’m so sorry. You just startled me, is all.”

“It’s alright,” She replied, smiling wanly at him, “Just checking up on Jared.”

Jensen managed to find as many pieces of glass as he could, and threw them in the bin, “Yeah, we were watching a film, and he fell asleep. Sorry.”

There was an awkward silence, as both of them thought of all the things they wanted to share, but just couldn’t.

Jared’s appearance in the doorway was a welcome one. He stretched sleepily, rubbing his eyes, and saying in a voice slurred by sleep, “D’someone break something?”

Jensen smiled sheepishly, “Yeah, that was me, sorry to wake you.”

“No, s’fine, I shouldn’t ha’fallen asleep down here anyway,” Jared seemed to only notice Sandy’s presence at that moment.  He blinked blearily, and shot a wary glance between the two of them, saying, “How come you’re up?”

“Just saw the light on, and wanted to check if you’d gone to sleep with the TV on again,” She cast a wry glance at Jensen. “Which Jensen obviously managed to avoid.”

Jensen suddenly had an overwhelming urge to get on his knees and beg an apology from Sandy. The way she was looking at him, it was like she knew.  And there seemed to be something going on with her and Jared, at least from the way they kept looking at each other, as if there was something in the air, blocking direct communication.

Sandy turned to go, “I’ll see you boys tomorrow, I’m shattered.”

They watched her walk slowly up the stairs, and Jared asked, “So you wanna play Mario Kart?”

Jensen stared at him, and then burst out laughing at the sheer randomness of it, “Sure, why the hell not?”

“As long as it’s Nintendo ’64 right?”  Jared asked, a wicked gleam in his eye.  They’d spent many hours before, arguing over the merits of Nintendo ’64 versus PlayStation.  Jared had rooted for the old school Nintendo, each and every time, and Jensen couldn’t help but respond by mock glaring at him, and sitting down on the sofa in a huff.

Jared held out the controller to him, and he took it retorting, “You might have had more practice, Jared Pada-something, but I’ll still beat your ass.”

Jared laughed, in that infectious, head-thrown-back, booming sort of way, and sat down, right next to Jensen He was close enough that their thighs would occasionally touch when one of them shifted.  Jensen tried not to notice.

~**~

Jared would look back on this moment, this caption of time, and remember the way Jensen’s face shone with amusement and joy. The shadow that had hung over him had receded temporarily, as he lost himself in the mundane activity that merely reminded him of better times.  Times with Jared.

Jared would look back on this moment, and think that it was right then, when Jensen laughed triumphantly and jumped up, punching his fist in the air and jeering at Jared, that he realised that he liked Jensen Ackles.

Surprisingly, as soon as the thought hit him, he didn’t freak out. He sat mute, still tracking Jensen’s movements, as he fell back on the sofa next to him and flicked the Nintendo off, changing the channel to some crappy pop music channel as background music.

“Jay, man, I slaughtered you there!  You need to start practising more,” Jensen smirked, the corners of his eyes crinkling in amusement.

Jared blinked, thoughts surfacing in his brain suddenly, like corks bobbing to the top of water, he wanted Jensen…as something more than the friendship they had.  This wasn’t going to help matters at all, not now, when he watched as Jensen took a swig of the bottle of water he had brought into the room with him, and Jared could only focus on the slope of his neck, the freckles dusting his nose. 

The panic started to surface then. He couldn’t tell Jensen.  Just because Jensen had come out, didn’t mean he was going to like every guy he met.  This thought didn’t particularly help, because the idea of Jensen with another man made his heart clench painfully.

And he finally realised what it was he had been feeling when Jensen’s door had opened to show the Douche at his house.  And the thought scared him.

He was dragged out of his musings when he finally realised Jensen had been talking to him, “Jay…man, are you even listening to me?”

Jensen was staring at him, concern etched over his features, and he cocked his head quizzically.

“Yeah, sorry, guess I’m just tired or something,” Jared said, but seeing the alarm and guilt flash in Jensen’s eyes, he continued hastily, “I don’t mind staying up man, if you can’t sleep. It’s fine.”

Jensen didn’t ask how Jared knew about his problems sleeping. How when he closed his eyes, all he could see was the needle, and all he could think about was the need.  He didn’t need to; Jared was the type of person who would sit down and research anything if it would help a friend, especially Jensen.

Jensen didn’t want to know about the hours of guilt and pain he had put Jared through, and he knew it was a selfish thought, but looking into Jared’s eyes and seeing the sympathy, and the concern only strengthened it.  He needed that right now.

“Okay…listen, Jay, thanks…you know, for letting me stay,” Jensen lowered his eyes, “It’s probably going to be a real big help.”

Jared nodded, and took a deep breath before speaking, “I still think you should get professional help.  I don’t want to spook you or anything, but I’ve already looked into a number of clinics…”

Jensen interrupted, “No, wait…let me…let me try it, by myself first.  Here, I can do it here, I know I can.”

Jared furrowed his brow, torn between wanting to trust his friend, and wanting to do what was immediately best for him.  Inevitably, he chose the former. 

Trust, he would soon find out, was a fragile thing.

His resolve weakened at the hopeful look on Jensen’s face, and he smiled encouragingly and said, “Of course, you can stay here for as long as you need Jen.”

Of course, as luck would have it, Jensen’s phone chose that moment to start blaring out Led Zeppelin, and he whispered a quick, “Sorry!” before checking the caller ID, and grinning widely.

“Hey…yeah?....really?...tomorrow, awesome…yeah, I’ll see you then.” 

Jared looked at him and raised an eyebrow, “Jen, w

ho was that?”

Jensen spoke without thinking, not realising the implications until it was too late, “That was Chris. They’re getting back tomorrow!”
 

‘But a resolution to avoid an evil is seldom framed till the evil is so far advanced as to make avoidance impossible.’

-          Thomas Hardy ‘Far From The Madding Crowd’

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