Steve stood opposite the bar, eyes narrowed in the watery sunlight throwing harsh relief on the buildings, buildings which looked so different at night.  The daylight showed the filth and decay for what they were, crumbling walls, peeling paint, and graffiti done too soon before rain, causing it to run down the walls.  He took a long drag on his cigarette, before dropping it and grinding it under the heel of his boot.

In his sweaty hand, wrapped deep in the safety of his pocket, he held the last remnants of his friendship with Jensen.  He could walk away now; salvage what little he had left. Jensen might forgive him.  With time, he might forget, but then, didn’t everything take time?

He knew what he had to do, he had to…but…Jensen was his friend, a good friend, and one he’d imagined would be at his wedding, would be there when his child was born, would always be there.  And now he was just going to screw that up.  Fucking idiot.

“You going in, or not?”

The question came out of nowhere, startling him and invading his thoughts.  He turned around, hand immediately tightening on the envelope in his pocket.  He recognised this guy from the late nights, hazy memories of blinding lights and pounding music.

“I was...I am...I just, was taking my time, but you’re here now so…” he replied quickly, trailing off at the end, not sure what he was trying to say.

The guy raised an eyebrow and stepped forward, his stance suggesting anything but friendliness, “You ready to pay up, or what Steve?  You owe me quite a bit”

“I don’t owe you anything,” it was a low hiss, not really meant to be heard, but the wind carried it across the space between them, and the other man stiffened, suddenly more alert.

“You’re not planning on trying to get out of this, are you?  I thought you had more sense than that”

“I...didn’t...you set me up...or something,” Steve attempted weakly.  He didn’t think he’d owed them that much, then when he’d got the call a few days ago, he’d panicked.  Done the only thing he could think of, using Jensen, his friend as a cash cow. He’d charged him more than the heroin was worth, taken advantage of his friend’s weakness.  The thought made him want to throw up, and then rip all the money he had stashed in the brown envelope into tiny pieces.

“There was no set up Steve, you know that. Now just hand it over, I’m getting bored of waiting,” he held out a hand, already eyeing the pocket which bulged slightly, displaying its contents to him. “Or I could just go ask elsewhere. Isn’t your friend in the television business?”

The casual way this man disregarded all of human nature, the situation Steve suddenly found himself in, the guilt eating away at him, all condensed into one shaking, dangerous emotion.  Anger.

In one move, he’d lunged forward and pinned the guy to the wall, his arm pressing against his neck threatening to do more.  The guy was a freelancer, not connected to any of the major rings which could hit back at this bold movement on Steve’s part.  It was bad luck for him he wasn’t better connected, because he wouldn’t be getting any protection.

Steve moved till his face was right in front of the guy, till he could see right into his eyes, so he could see the lengths Steve was willing to go to make this all right again.

“You’re not touching him, don’t go anywhere fucking near him, or any of my friends, you sick fuck,” Steve snarled, letting the emotion well up inside of him, letting himself push this guy harder and harder against the wall, until he was wheezing and gasping for breath.

“I’ll give you your money, an honest way, but only the money I fucking owe you.  Don’t try to rip me off again, because I’m keeping tabs on this.  Then you’re going to go away and leave everyone I know alone.  If you fucking come near any of us,” Steve watched in a sort of twisted fascination as the man’s eyes widened and a blue tint coloured his lips, “I’ll kill you.  Don’t think I won’t.”

He let go in a sudden movement, and the man sucked in air, noisy breaths sounding like music to Steve’s ears.  He dropped to the ground, wincing as he massaged his throat.  Steve hoped he got bruises there, so he’d remember every time he looked at himself what he’d done, how he’d made him angry.

“You’re crazy,” he muttered under his breath, not taking his eyes off Steve. He must have recognised some obstinate need in Steve, because he nodded slowly and followed up that comment with, “I won’t fucking go near your friends...especially if they’re as crazy as you are.”

Steve nodded in satisfaction, and drew a number of bills out of his pocket, throwing them down at the pathetic guy whimpering on the ground, “There’s your money.  Now, I don’t want to see your face again.”

He left the guy frantically grabbing the paper bills before they could blow away, and he walked off slowly down the street, taking the time to breathe in the fresh air with a newfound appreciation.  He clutched in his pocket the remnants of his friendship with Jensen, a friendship that would last now.  He would give him back the money, then it would be over.

~**~

Jared flipped his phone open, trying, for what must have been the tenth time in the past five minutes, to call Chris.

“Hey, this is Chris. Either I’m not here at the moment, or I’m touring with my buddy, Steve. Leave a message after the tone.”

Jared rolled his eyes, biting his lip in frustration, “Chris, it’s me....again. Sorry for calling so much, but I need to find Jensen.  It’s important; please call me back when you get this.”

He snapped his phone shut, blinking his eyes against the biting wind that raged past him.  He’d wandered the streets around his house for almost an hour, hoping he’d see Jensen huddling on a street corner, or waiting at a bus stop.

He hadn’t been anywhere, and Jared was so freaking scared of what he could be doing, of what he could be thinking of doing.  Jensen wasn’t picking up his phone, and neither were Chris or Steve.  He had no idea where they could be. He’d already tried Jensen’s apartment, and no one had been there.  The place had been empty for days, and it suddenly seemed weird to think that Jensen still had his own place, especially since he’d fit right into Jared’s house like he’d been living there for years.

He hadn’t known Jensen felt...that way.  Looking back on it, he supposed there’d been signs.  But he’d been focused on Sandy and then, after she left, he hadn’t thought about anything much, hadn’t wanted to betray her memory, or something, by moving straight onto Jensen.  Even though he’d known he felt...something for Jensen. Hell, even Sandy’d known that.

And then Jensen had kissed him, and his whole world had changed.  Possibilities suddenly had new hope, and he’d found out how Jensen’s lips felt.  But it had been too short, and he’d been too fucking shocked and confused to do anything, and now Jensen was probably out there, feeding his habit and forgetting.  And Jared didn’t want him to forget.

He reached a decision and turned around, heading in the direction of Chris’s house, and hoping that he’d get there in time.

~**~

When Jensen reached Chris’s house, he just wanted to lie down and sink into oblivion.  He’d most likely just lost his best friend, and he couldn’t think about it yet, because whenever he did, the sharp warmth that rolled through him whenever Jared surfaced in his thoughts would bite through his being, and leave him broken.

Chris opened the door, his expression betraying anxiety, “Jensen, hell, what’s wrong?  You sounded terrible on the phone.”

“I fucked up.  Jared’ll never forgive me, and I fucking...ruined it,” his voice was hoarse, and Chris could barely hear what he was whispering, but he let him in and made him sit down.

“Steve is...out.  What did you come here for Jensen?  I shouldn’t...I don’t...”

“I just need out.  Out of my body, my...whatever, just...please,” Jensen begged him with his eyes, ignoring the voice of his conscience, which sounded suspiciously like Jared. 

Chris blinked and turned away, hesitated, and then turned back again, “No.”

Jensen stared at him, confused, and reaching the point where he just couldn’t care about anything anymore, “What?”

“Jen...I’m trying here, I know I screwed up, but me and Steve, we’re trying to get out of it.  You should too.  I’m sorry.” At this, Chris sat down next to Jensen, and gripped his hand, “I’m so fucking sorry for doing this.  I never...you weren’t supposed to...”

Jensen interrupted, almost screaming from the fire burning through his veins, “Shut up, Chris.  Shut the fuck up, and just give me a hit already.”

Chris just shook his head, determination straining his face, and Jensen stood up suddenly, pacing the length of the room, “I know where to get it, man!  It’s not like you’re saving me from myself now, or shit.”

Chris was standing up, a half formed plea on his lips, when Jensen’s fist swung and Chris crumpled to the ground. His last thought, as he sank into darkness, a terrified notion of Jensen and the heroin in his bathroom.  The heroin he’d been weaning himself off of, slowly, bit by bit, so he could help his friend.

~**~

Jared rounded the corner, the beep of the voicemail ringing through his phone as he tried calling Jensen again.  A panic was building up inside of him; he had no idea why, but he was scared that Jensen would do something stupid. 

A figure walking towards him caught his attention, as it turned and opened to gate to a house, a house that Jared was heading to.

“Steve!  Hey, Steve!”  He yelled, and relief spread through him as the figure turned cautiously.

“Jared?”

He ran the last few metres, a smile on his face as he neared the other man, “Thank god I found you. I’ve been calling you and Chris for ages.  I need to find Jensen, it’s important.”

Steve’s brow furrowed, and he replied, “I thought Jensen was staying with you?”

Jared didn’t want to go over the details right then and there, and settled with saying, “Yeah well, something happened, and now I just need to find him before he does something stupid.”

Steve just nodded and opened the door, motioning Jared to follow him.  The dark hallway seemed ominous, too empty and silent. 

“Chris?”  Steve yelled, but no one answered.

~**~

Jensen had the needle out, and the lace around his arm, when he heard voices outside, Jared’s voice.  Why was Jared here?  Had he come to confirm the end of their friendship?  Come to laugh about it with his friends?

He knew those thoughts were ridiculous, he knew Jared, and he wouldn’t do something like that.  But he was right downstairs, so close, and the heroin was right in front of him.  Just the push of a needle and plunger away.

And when he pushed it, it felt so fucking good.  The pain, the pressure, the tiny drops of blood that welled on the surface of his skin, all so familiar.  The voices were coming closer, there were heavy footsteps on the stairs, and shouts echoing through the empty rooms.  He didn’t care, he couldn’t care, because his mind was already shutting down.

The needle clattered to the ground, making a soft clacking noise on the tiles and rolling across the floor, rolling until it came to a halt against the wall, but Jensen didn’t notice.

~**~

As soon as they found Chris, lying unconscious on the floor, they knew.  Jared had taken one look at Jensen’s friend, and fucking knew.  Which was why he was panicking as he ran from room to room, finally taking the stairs three at a time when he heard Chris groan, “The bathroom”

When he burst open the door, it was already done. The needle was empty and against the wall.  Jared crouched down beside Jensen, muttering, “Jensen, come on, not now, not when I have so much to tell you.  Fuck Jensen!  Don’t be so fucking selfish; come on, get out of this.”

He’d been angry at first, white hot angry.  But when Jensen stayed just slumped against the wall, not stirring at Jared’s less-than-feeble attempts to rouse him, he was just terrified. 

 
‘And it takes no time to fall in love
But it takes you years to know what love is
It takes some fears to make you trust
It takes those tears to make it rust’

Jason Mraz ‘Life is Wonderful’

Feedback is even more awesome than seeing Sam's puppy dog face and hearing him say 'I lost my shoe' if that were possible =]
 

 
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