“You’re serious?”

Jared nodded quickly; pasting what he hoped was an encouraging smile on his face, “Yep”

“You want me to go to…rehab?”  Jensen asked incredulously.

Jared thrust a leaflet into his face and grinned brightly, trying to mask the anxiety he felt everyday now.  He was constantly worrying that Jensen would just leave him, leave again, and go back to how he’d been during the last few months.

“I’ve researched this one, it’s got a good reputation, and I err…already called them and made a booking.  It’s all up to you now, Jen,” his tone became serious, and he reached out to grip Jensen’s arms tightly, “This is what we need.  Once we get this…out of our lives, we can focus on more important things.”

Jensen stared weakly down at the leaflet; on the front was a picture of a large house on the outskirts of LA, surrounded by tall trees and shimmering blue sky, “This place looks so fake.”

Jared huffed impatiently and grabbed the leaflet back, “I’ve looked into it Jen, it’s fine.  They’re private and good, and it works!  That’s all that matters.”

Jensen bit his lip, unaware he was already nodding slowly and thoughtfully, of course he’d do this.  It was what Jared wanted, and then…then things would be better.

“Hey,” Jared laced their fingers together loosely and leaned forward, “I’ll be supporting you every step of the way.  I can only visit once a week but…we’ll make it work.”

“Once a week?!”  Jensen said in shock, “But…we only just…wouldn’t you…?”

He couldn’t say his thoughts out loud, too scared that Jared would admit to the fact that yes, I have been just playing around with you, and I’m not going to wait four weeks for you.

Instead, Jared said, “I’ll wait Jen.  I’ll be there when you go in, and I’ll still be here when you come out.”

Jensen felt the moment overwhelming him, as he tried hastily to blink back the tears that formed in his eyes. Since when did he start crying all the time like a pansy little girl?

He grinned to alleviate the gravity of the conversation, and said brightly, “Sure.  Ok, I’ll do it.”

Jared smiled in relief and, in answer, wrapped his arms tightly around Jensen and pressed his mouth tightly against his, tilting his head to deepen the kiss, clinging as if he never wanted to let him go.

~**~

Jensen looked around the sterile lobby of the house, wondering how the hell it’d all happened so quickly.  Had it really only been two days since Jared had him up against the wall of his kitchen, giving Jensen the most intense hand job of his freaking life?

It’d been two days of the most painful torture his body could endure.  Jared had found him the second night, curled up in the corner of the bathroom, shaking and sweating, and lying in a pool of his own vomit.  He’d packed, and driven Jensen to the rehabilitation centre the very next morning.

“You ready?”  Jared asked him, laying a comforting hand on his arm.

He nodded, and followed Jared up the front desk, where a pristinely dressed woman smiled brightly at them and said, in a perky voice, through toothpaste commercial teeth, “Welcome to Parks Rehabilitation Centre, do you have a reservation?”

Jensen groaned inwardly, already hating this stupid woman and this stupid house, with its stupid massive gardens, and stupid fountain with stupid dolphins on it.

Jared took one look at his face and burst out laughing, Jensen looked up at him in astonishment, “What?  What could possibly be funny right now?”

“Dude, you’re so pouting,” Jared chuckled.

Jensen swatted his arm playfully, “Am not.”

The receptionist cleared her throat loudly, looking between the two of them with amusement written all over her face, “If you’re ready, gentlemen…?”

Jared put on his serious face and turned around, “Yes sorry, checking in Jensen Ackles…”

~**~

Jensen dumped his bag on the single bed, and took a quick glance around his new room. His room for the next four weeks. 

“I can’t believe I’m not going to see you for a whole week,” Jensen said softly, facing away from Jared, “Especially after we just…finally…”

“I know,” Jared replied, walking up behind Jensen and putting his arms around his waist, pulling him back against his body, “I know.”

Jensen relaxed into his grip, letting himself feel the heat emanating from the other man, the hard angles of his body, still unfamiliar, and just waiting to be learned. He whispered the words into the empty air in front of him, “Jared, thank you.”

Jared’s grip tightened, and he nuzzled the thin hair at the top of Jensen’s neck, planting soft kisses along the skin he found there, “Jensen…Jen…”

They both moved at the same time, one thought running through separate bodies, melding them together. Jensen turned around in Jared’s grip locking his lips to Jared’s, desperation controlling his actions.

They fell back onto the tiny bed, Jensen scrabbling frantically at Jared’s shirt, and almost pulling the buttons off in his haste.  Jared shifted so Jensen was lying on top of him, so he could let Jensen do what he wanted, allow him to feel close to Jared one last time until next week.

They melted into each other, touching and gasping and holding, knowing it would be over all too soon.  Jared bit down on the curve of Jensen’s shoulder and sucked, leaving his mark, as he growled, “Gotta let everyone know what your deal is.”

Jensen would have laughed at this sudden streak of possessiveness, if he’d had any breathe to spare, but Jared had his mouth occupied again, and all thoughts of laughter were overtaken by the need to just…touch.

They thrust and ground against each other in a sweaty mess of tangled limbs, seeking to build up the friction, gradually shedding clothes, when they remembered how to undo zips and buttons.

All too soon, Jared had his large hand wrapped around Jensen’s cock, while Jensen fumbled between them. The space was too limited to do anything but thrust and push against each other, their fingers entangled together, slipping and sliding, until they both shuddered together, finding their release as one.

They stayed like for minutes, which felt like seconds, slipping away by the hundreds. 

“I have to go,” Jared whispered eventually.

“I know,” Jensen replied, but neither of them moved.

It was completely silent in the room, but it was comfortable, and they were content and together for a moment.  Jensen eventually slipped into a fractured sleep, his fingers still clutching onto Jared tightly.

Jared had to remove them carefully, getting dressed and planting a last, soft kiss to Jensen’s forehead, before he walked out of the room, hoping for the best for Jensen.  He hadn’t wanted to leave without saying goodbye but as soon as Jensen gave him that lost, abandoned look, he’d be straight back on the bed.

~**~

“Hi, my name is Ed, and I’m a heroin addict”

“Hi Ed”

Jensen bit his lip to stop the inevitable smile that would twist his lips.  It was difficult not to just burst out laughing at his situation.  He’d seen this before, on TV, in films. He knew how this all worked from that.  Which was why it just didn’t feel real. 

He couldn’t accept that these people weren’t just actors, paid to play a role for the benefit of others.  Watching them admit to their mistakes made him cringe; he didn’t want to hear it.  They were private thoughts, meant to be kept to each person only.

“I guess I started using…because I felt…lost, alone.  You can laugh at how pathetic that sounds; turning to drugs for stupid reasons is…something I’ll regret forever.  In some ways, it’s shaped me though…”

Jensen closed his eyes and leant back in his chair, letting the drone of the voice wash over him, absorbing the words, listening, because this guy’s story was his story; it was everyone in the room’s story.

“Hi I’m Gloria, and I’m a heroin addict”

“Hi Gloria”

“Maybe I should say, I was a heroin addict.  I’ve been clean for two months now, and I have no intention of going back.  I feel better than I’ve felt in months, years.  Being free of it is indescribable. It was like I was pinned down and shackled. I was reliant, I needed it.  Now…now, I’m not dependant on anything.”

And on it went; people who had been here for longer than Jensen. People who knew the drill, and would lie and cheat their way through anything, just to get out of there so they could get their next hit. People who were trying, but just wouldn’t make it, people whose eyes were empty and haunted because, without heroin, what was the point? 

But then there were people whose eyes were clear and happy, who walked the halls with a smile on their faces, and those were the people Jensen aspired to.

~**~

It had been six days.  Six days wondering if Jensen had managed to hold out, of wondering whether he was going crazy from desperation.  Images of Jensen shivering, sick, and alone kept flashing into his mind, but he dispelled them.  There were people there who would help him, he was sure of it.

Jared couldn’t sleep that night, he was too fraught with energy and anxiety, and too many emotions flooding him.  They’d had such a long journey to where they were, that he half worried that Jensen would just up and leave.  Say it wasn’t worth it.

He curled up into himself, huddling under the blankets.  There had only been two nights of sleeping curled around Jensen’s body, but he already missed the familiar warmth.

When morning dawned, Jared was out of bed instantly, and out the door, ready to get to the rehab centre as early as humanly possible.

He practically ran through the doors, hoping to find Jensen waiting for him in the lobby, but there was no one there except the receptionist who looked up in alarm at his sudden entrance.

“Uh…can I help you sir?”

He looked around searching for any trace, anything, but he couldn’t see Jensen sitting anywhere around the large room.

“I’m here to visit someone”

Jensen had forgotten about him, it had been six days and not seeing Jared.  He’d probably met some new man who could look after him, and support him better than Jared could, because he was going through the same problem.

“Visit someone?  I’m sorry sir; visiting hours don’t start until ten o’clock.”

Jared gaped at her, and then looked at his watch, ten o’clock?  It was only nine o’clock.

“Shit”

There was an awkward silence as Jared searched for something to say, “Can I just….wait over here then?”

It was going to be torture, being in the same building as Jensen, but not allowed to see him.  But he could wait.  He’d waited six days already.

The receptionist looked like she was going to protest, but Jared was already settling himself in one of the chairs lining the wall, and he picked up a magazine, making a large show out of pretending to be thoroughly absorbed in it.

There was a distant noise, the murmuring of voices that started getting louder and louder, coming closer, and Jared peeked over the top of his magazine in interest.

A group of people turned the corner, chatting amongst themselves, and Jared was about to resume the story on teenage pregnancy or something when he froze.  That familiar smile, that voice. Jensen.

He stood up suddenly, unaware of anything else apart from Jensen.  Jensen, who at the sudden movement, had turned around and stiffened suddenly.

A beat, two seconds, and then Jensen was striding towards him, a grin spreading smoothly over his face, until they met in the middle of the lobby.

Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen, breathing in the familiar smell, comforted already, and unable to stop from grinning like an idiot.

“I missed you,” he whispered into Jensen’s ear, the words private between them.

Jensen pulled back and looked him in the eye, smiling. “It’s only been a week.”

Jared gaped at him, before seeing the joke, and he growled low and deep, “You’re gonna pay for that.”

Jensen smirked, “Bring it on, Padalecki”

“Later…when we’re alone,” Jared said, cocking an eyebrow, and smiling at the flush that rose up Jensen’s neck and cheeks.

“Come on, we can talk in the garden,” Jensen said, already pulling him away towards the back exit.

“Excuse me, you can’t…sirs…” the receptionist called after them uselessly.

Jared just grinned and followed Jensen out into the hot air, squinting under the dazzling sun, and smiling in contentment. 

‘Again and again there awake some who, gaining strength through reflecting on past greatness, are inspired by the feeling that the life of man is a glorious thing.’

- Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche

Feedback is like Jensen's freckles and sunshine and rainbows and unicorns =]

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