Jensen fell back on the neatly made bed Jared had prepared for him.  When Jared had offered, he’d wanted to say no, I don’t need my own room.  After a month alone, I just wanna be with you.

But the apprehensive look on Jared’s face had stopped him short, and he’d just nodded and dropped his bags next to the bed.

Jensen sighed and shut his eyes, tempting sleep to come but, as it’d been for the past month, nothing happened.  The counsellors at the centre had said it was normal to suffer from insomnia when going through withdrawal.

There had been nights though where his despair had been so deep, so gut-wrenching, sweat drenched, sheet twisting, horrifying, that he’d needed out. On nights like those, he’d soon developed a habit of wandering down to the garden, to breathe in the cool night air.

Jensen checked the clock, and groaned in frustration as it blinked 4:30am at him.   He knew he’d regret it in a few hours, when he actually had to be awake and look like he was at least trying to seem alive, but he staggered out of bed anyway, and made his way downstairs.

Jared’s house looked completely different in the dark. Shadows flitted about on the walls, and the moonlight seeping in through the windows cast an ethereal glow over the hallway, as he made his way to the back door.

It was like he’d stepped through into a parallel version of his world, of the house he recognised.  He knew it was probably his sleep deprived brain dreaming up these strange ideas, but the thoughts calmed him, and he was soon settling himself on the swing chair on the back of Jared’s porch.

He almost couldn’t believe he was here, back at Jared’s house, free of the restraints that had been controlling him for the past weeks and months.  He didn’t miss it.  It was only on nights like tonight that he wished once more for the needle, just so that he could sleep.

But weeks of lectures, meetings, and support had stayed his hand, until he was able to control it himself.  In one week, they’d be back to Vancouver to continue filming, and Jared…and him, Jared and  Jensen…well, they’d be back to whatever it was they were doing.

The suddenness of the door opening startled Jensen out of his thoughts.

“Jen?  What are you doing out here?”  Jared blinked sleepily down at him, rubbing his bleary eyes.

“I just couldn’t sleep, don’t worry Jay.  Go back to bed,” Jensen said softly.

Jared did the exact opposite, and settled himself onto the swing chair next to Jensen and, even as Jensen tried to move over to make more room, Jared scooted closer, snuggling in close to him.

“But I do worry, that’s basically what I’m here for,” Jared whispered back to him, both of them unwilling to disturb the still silence of the morning.

“Jay…you don’t have to dog my every step, I can look after myself now,” Jensen replied, tone slightly bitter.

Jared swung an arm up and around, until it rested along Jensen’s shoulders, and pulled him closer, snug, tight, and safe, “I’m not trying to worry too much, or whatever, Jen; I’m new at this.  New at…all of this.  But I want you to be happy, I want to see you smile again like you used to. That stupid grin that made you look like a five year old.”

The unexpected comment, reminiscent of a time only months ago where Jared would tease him mercilessly, and he’d do his best to return the favour, caught him off guard.  He chuckled lightly against Jared’s shoulder, and tilted his head up to whisper, his tone edged with sarcasm, “You wish you were funny Padalecki”

He felt Jared smile, “Oh, I know I am Smeckles.”

Jensen punched him lightly on the arm, then slid his hands down and under the thin shirt Jared was wearing, and tickled him lightly, laughing out loud with glee, as Jared squirmed and shrieked in an extremely unmanly way.

“Stop…stop it!  Jensen!”  Jared managed to wheeze out between squeaks and gasps.

“Only if you make me,” Jensen said huskily, not really knowing what to expect, but happy with the response when Jared leant down and clamped his mouth to Jensen’s.

Jensen’s hands stilled immediately, but stayed resting lightly against Jared’s stomach, the hot skin sending shivers through him as Jared moved his lips, sliding them against his own.

“Jesus fuck, Jay,” Jensen murmured, as Jared pulled away after a few seconds.

“What?”

Jensen leaned in closer and sucked lightly on Jared’s neck, breathing in his sleepy smell, and licking and biting his way up to Jared’s lip, “This is what you fucking do to me.”

He took Jared’s hand and guided it down to his crotch, where his erection was already pressing up insistently against the thin material of his sweats.  Jared sucked in a breath and moved his hand slightly, making Jensen squirm at the bolt of pleasure that struck him.

Jared smirked at the noises slipping out of Jensen’s mouth, and with his other hand undid the tie holding his pants up, before slipping his hand inside and encircling Jensen’s cock.

Jensen gasped, a breathy little moan escaping from between his slightly parted lips, and he spoke without thinking, “Fucking hell, Jared…want you in me…fuck…”

Jared stilled instantly, his hand rigid around Jensen’s erection, “Uh…Jen, are you sure?”

Jensen turned his head to look directly into Jared’s eyes, making sure his feelings were all shown, so Jared would know how exactly fucking sure he was about this, “Hell yeah, I think I’m pretty damn sure.”

Jared gestured vaguely with his other hand, flushing slightly, “I never…do you have…?”

Jensen had to stop the laugh that was threatening to escape, because Jared was being so damn cute, “Yeah, in my bag in the hall, I’ll get it, just…don’t freak out on me, Jay.”

Jared nodded slowly, and then smiled at him, as Jensen disentangled himself from their huddle, “I’ll be waiting”

Jensen cocked an eyebrow, “Don’t start without me”

Jared looked straight up into his eyes and slid his hand slowly along his own thigh, allowing his lips to part slightly.

Jensen thought it was a shame that no one was there to measure the amount of time it took him to get the lube and condoms from his bag in the hallway, and get back to the porch; it must’ve beaten records.

“What took you so long?”  Jared asked smarmily, as Jensen came back outside.

Jensen just glared at him, but then came forward and swung a leg over Jared’s lap, so he was effectively straddling him.  He leant down until their lips were brushing, not quite deepening the kiss enough, but still tasting, touching.

“Fuck,” Jared breathed into his mouth.

Jensen lifted his own shirt over his head, and threw it behind him, not caring that it landed in the dirt of the flowerbeds lining the garden.  His skin prickled in the cool air, but Jared ran his hands over the goosebumps, leaving his skin feeling hot and supple.

They managed to get the rest of their clothes off in a flurry of touches, caresses, and muttered curses, as legs refused to bend in the way needed to remove pants.

“How are we…gonna…” Jared gestured between them, and Jensen had to suppress the laughter again; he didn’t want to ruin this for Jared.  He didn’t want to remind him of the mistakes he’d made, and how much he truly regretted the stupid way he had acted.  Those men had meant nothing to him, but Jared…Jared meant everything.

“It’s alright, I’ll just…help,” Jensen said, and leaned down to kiss Jared again, letting the kiss convey his every emotion; the lust, the need, the pure love he felt.

Jensen inched forward on Jared’s lap until their cocks were rubbing together, the heat almost too much to be concentrated to that one space between them.  A delicious contrast to the tingle of the morning air, icy fresh before the sunrise.

“God Jay, need you…fuck me,” Jensen groaned, and slipped the bottle of lube into Jared’s hand, “Just…start with fingers, trust me, it’s fine.”

Jared was beyond worrying now, and squeezed the lube onto his fingers as quickly as he could, Jensen’s words making him even harder than he thought possible.  If the idea, the image, of being inside Jensen like that was turning him on so much that he needed to know what would happen when it actually occurred.

Jensen directed Jared’s coated fingers behind him, until they were resting against his entrance, “It’s alright, just push in, one at a time.”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” Jared whispered back, panting slightly with arousal, his skin coated in a thin layer of sweat, as the moonlight danced off the reflections.

“You won’t,” Jensen said, and gasped as Jared pushed in. It burnt slightly, but all the while, Jensen knew what was coming was worth it.  Especially now, because this was Jared.  Which made it okay.

Jensen shifted, pushing himself deeper onto Jared’s fingers, as he said in a choked voice, “Another one, keep going Jay…that’s it…”

Jared pushed in, widening the way, and watching in fascination as Jensen arched his back and panted, gasping heavily, “Fuck!” as Jared’s fingers brushed against a bundle of nerves.

“M’ready,” Jensen murmured against Jared’s neck, as he lifted himself up high enough to allow Jared to position himself underneath him.  Jensen moved his hands down until he could roll the condom on slowly, torturously, enjoying the way Jared panted beneath him.   

Jared had no idea what to expect, but as he pushed into the tight heat of Jensen, he wondered vaguely why they hadn’t done this sooner, just before all thought became incoherent.  Jensen was pushing himself down onto Jared at the same time, and murmuring soothing words against Jared’s neck as he licked and sucked.

“Jen…god…you’re so hot…so fucking…Jen,” Jared babbled, reaching up to forcefully pull Jensen’s face closer so he could nibble at his lips, slip his tongue into his mouth, and feel the wet furnace which burned around him.

Jensen started moving up and down, teasing Jared, gently at first, but then the thrusts became more hurried, more rushed, more heated.  Their movements became flurried and blurred, melting into one another as they panted and breathed, sharing the same space and the air.

Jensen moved his hand down to his cock, needing more friction than just the way it was rubbing against Jared’s stomach. 

“Jesus fucking Christ…ngg…gonna…fuck,” Jared groaned, as he bit down on Jensen’s shoulder, leaving his mark.

“It’s ok…just go with it…” Jensen whispered, leaning in to kiss Jared, riding with him, as he fell over the brink and came with a muffled shout.

“God…I need…” Jensen said incoherently, and almost choking as Jared closed his hand around his cock, pumping and stroking until Jensen followed him, shooting come over Jared’s fist and stomach.

He collapsed against Jared, just focusing on breathing, letting the sweat and come cool against his skin. 

“That was…”  Jared started

“I know”

“Just…”

“Yep”

“Fuck Jen…I, just,” Jared stopped short, not entirely sure of what he was trying to say.

Jensen kissed his way up Jared’s neck, until he reached his lips and then he kissed him, long and deep, and they stayed like that as the sun rose, casting golden shadows around the garden.

~**~

Jensen opened the front door letting the dogs run inside, sniffing and barking in joy, as Jared walked out of the kitchen grinning.

“Have fun?”

“You know it,” Jensen grinned back, “I think there’s a dog down at the park who’s developing a bit of a crush on our Sadie here”

“I’m glad you had a good time,” Jared replied, stepping forward to kiss Jensen, moaning slightly as the kiss deepened.

“I think we’d better break this up, before they get jealous,” Jensen pointed at the dogs, who were sitting right next to them, and staring up at them quizzically.

Jared crouched down and petted them lovingly, “Oh, by the way, Eric called”

Jensen stilled, “And?”

“We have flights booked back to Vancouver on Tuesday, read throughs start on Thursday,” Jared replied, “Guess it’s back to work then.”

“Tuesday…that’s in two days,” Jensen stared at the floor, biting his lip nervously, “I…do you think?”

Jared stood up and wrapped his arms around him, enveloping him in warmth and safety and love, “Hey, everything’s gonna be fine.  You’re over this now, and I’m gonna be there to look after you.  It’ll be fine.”

Jensen nodded and whispered, “I love you,” against Jared’s shoulder.

Jared, for a split second panicked, those words always evoked a shot of fear inside of him. Was he ready for this?  But then he remembered that this was Jensen, and that thought alone made it alright for him to reply, “I love you too.” 
 

 
"A pessimist sees the difficulty in every oppurtunity; an optimist sees the oppurtunity in every difficulty"

 - Winston Churchill

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